The Legendary Trapper Phil: Part 12

The Legendary Trapper Phil sat down in the field and cleaned himself off with a rag.

It had been a long day.

An eventful day, but the day was coming to a close.

The sunlight faded fast from the sky as a cool breeze gently started to blow.

It was peaceful.

Except for one thing, a nearly hairless Hairy Fairy howling in pain while doing loops in the sky above. Phil somehow found that to be the most peaceful part of the evening. A smiling mangy squirrel sat down beside Phil and pointed to the moon above. Then the squirrel pointed to the hairless fairy’s backside and said, “What do you know, we have two moons tonight.”

Hairy Fairy Mooning You.
Once in a blue moon.
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The Legendary Trapper Phil: Part 11

The Legendary Trapper Phil watched the mangy squirrel’s plan play out in front of him.

The squirrel’s fleas attacked the Hairy Fairy all at once. Trapper Phil had heard stories about the way that sharks attack when they smell blood in the water, but in his entire life, he had never seem a feeding frenzy this intense. The Hairy Fairy’s eyes bulged out of it’s head as the nearly one thousand blood thirsty fleas chewed into it’s soft skin like it was bubblegum.

Hungry Flea
Hungry Flea

Every nerve, every inch of flesh was on fire with pain and shock. The Hairy Fairy howled and sobbed as it feverishly scratched. The more it scratched the more of it’s beautiful hair started to fall out.

The Legendary Trapper Phil: Part 10

The Hairy Fairy gnashed it’s teeth at the Legendary Trapper Phil. Trapper Phil rolled just out of the reach of it’s powerful jaws.

Fairy spittle flew freely through the air.

Fairy Spittle
Fairy Spittle

Splatting Phil in it’s thick mucus filled saliva. The color and consistency of the saliva reminded Phil of creamed corn.

Which It’s never good to think of food and snot at the same time. Gag reflex kicking in Phil started to heave.

Muttering to himself, “Creamed corn is so much like snot… so gross, urp… so gross.”

Immediately Phil started to blow chucks. The Hairy Fairy stepped back to protect it’s magnificent coat of hair from the vomit. With that, the mangy squirrel pounced onto the unsuspecting Hairy Fairy.

The Legendary Trapper Phil: Part 9

The Legendary Trapper Phil started to shake uncontrollably. His knees wobbled as if he were a trapeze artist walking on a wire swaying back and forth. His heart tempo stepped up to the speed of a humming bird.

Hummingbird heart attack
Hummingbird heart attack


“Don’t be scared!” the mangy squirrel called out to Phil. Phil stuttered back, “Scared… me, I don’t even… know the… meaning of… the word.” Which seemed completely reasonable to the squirrel. After all, the mangy squirrel reasoned that there were many words that Phil didn’t know the meaning of.

“What difference does that make?” asked the squirrel.

But at that moment the Hairy Fairy swooped down onto Phil.

#hummingbird

The Legendary Trapper Phil: Part 8

“You’re the bait,” the mangy squirrel said to the Legendary Trapper Phil. “When the Hairy Fairy swoops down to cause great bodily harm to you, I will jump on him. At that point, my personal enormous infestation of fleas will see his luxurious coat of hair and they will go for the upgrade. In the world of fleas the Hairy Fairy is beach front property in Florida. The Hairy Fairy will be eaten alive. “Mwaha-ha-ha!” “Great,” Phil exclaimed. Then following the squirrel’s plan Phil stepped out into the bait position. Standing out there, for some odd reason, he started to think about fishing worms….

Fishing Worm
Fishing Worm

“Wait a second,” Phil thought, “…doesn’t the fish eat the worm?”

The Legendary Trapper Phil: Part 7

“I completely understand your plan,” the Legendary Trapper Phil said to the mangy squirrel. “I understand it so well that you should tell it to me one more time so I know that you know.”

The squirrel raised an eyebrow as he could start to see the magnitude of the mind that Phil was working with.

Brain Power
Phil’s Brains

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“Because I can never be too sure if you understand,” Phil finished.

The squirrel banged his head against a tree trunk in an attempt to lower his brain waves to Phil’s level. “I’m planning to infest the Hairy Fairy with fleas. Fleas love hairy situations. Any questions?”

Phil raised his hand and the squirrel sighed in disbelief.

The Legendary Trapper Phil: Part 6

The Legendary Trapper Phil ducked into the cover of the thick leafy woods. Catching his breath he looked back for the Hairy Fairy. He watched it circle around over the forest like a buzzard waiting for it’s next meal. It’s ferocious roars echoed through the forest leaving every living creature shaking with fear.

Every creature, that is, but one.

A tiny confident voice called out to Phil, “You don’t need to fear the Hairy Fairy.” Jumping down from the tree branches above him was a plucky squirrel. Phil’s jaw dropped in amazement at the mangy talking rodent.

Plucky Squirrel

“I’ve got the fleas…” The squirrel proudly said pointing at the fairy, “…and he’s got the hair.”